Week 36 : 28th July 2011

Its the weekend (well Saturday) and believe it or not I've booked into Sewardstone Road Camp site in Lea Valley as the Milk and I are doing a Karaoke disco for our friend Martin tonight, plus Sugar is coming and spending the night with me so I need to make a good impression ha ha. Not been on a campsite for god knows how many months must be at least 4 or 5. Can't believe how busy the place is compared to when I was here in winter, plus the price is now £22 ( phew ) as opposed to £17.50 which I thought was dear then. I'm parked at the back down amongst the trees and stuff, really nice. Can open all the windows, put all the lights on, got full electric cool I'm really enjoying it!

Get the Karaoke done and fall out at 2.30am. Sunday is a lovely sunny day. Have some breakfast with Sugar at a cafe and spend the afternoon in the site. Get all the laundry done, the ironing, the washing up the lot, sometimes it takes a women's touch to spur you into action! Strange having someone else in the van with you. Was a lovely day oh and my all time sporting hero Jenson Button won the Grand Prix, he was 25/1 on Betfair the day before and I couldn't believe they would offer him for that price, shame I gave up betting 10 years ago!

I bought a new antenna for the telly. The plastic All In One solution basically fell apart, so I bought a new one from Argos. It cost £50 its a conventional aerial ( you can't beat them )but has a built in amplifier plus its already pre assembled which is very good, as some I saw looked like a bloody jigsaw puzzle to put together. Its not to massive and so far its working really great. Plus I can also lift it out of its holder very quickly and store it before pulling away and driving down the motorway. I do have one of those DTV finder things to get the strongest signal but you don't need it, simply look around, see all the other aerials pointing in a certain direction and point yours the same. 10 second job

That's enough of luxury living, 3 days in the park and now I'm back out on the streets, did enjoy it I must admit. but total cost £66.00 for 3 days!

I ran out of minutes this month on my phone basically racking it up talking to Sugar, but....Out of every problem comes something good. I discovered a new way to make calls and for free! I was talking to her for over an hour some nights from my mobile and it wasn't costing a penny. Its so good I introduced it to Lordy as he was off to Spain and wanted to chat to his workers every night. ( Of which his workers are about to kill me when they see me next! ) He was ringing from Spain every night for free. Here's the deal. About 5 or 6 years ago I bought an Internet number from a company called VOIPcheap ( you don't need to buy a number I'm just telling you the story) anyway I kinda forgotten all about it until I was on the net one night. You can actually call any landline number in the world including the UK for free (yep FREE!) and you can do it from your PC or incredibly from your Iphone by downloading their app, and it works with a 3g signal not just a Wi-fi connection. You can also call other mobile phone numbers like in the UK for just 3p a minute, now considering if your minutes have run out and Orange are knocking you 20p a minute 3p is nothing. So in short to refresh, you go to voipcheap.co.uk and sign up, bung a tenner into your account and this will allow you 90 days of free calls, plus you can use that tenner to phone other mobiles at 3p a minute, you need a wi-fi  connection, or a good 3g connection and you can make calls using your laptop with the VOIP software or your Iphone.

Not had any rain this week in fact its been bloody boiling so I can't give you an update on the new super duper Kontiki anti leak system but as soon as it does I'll be writing.

Talking of Lordy, we went to collect his new bike this week, had a little run down to Romford in the Motorhome to pick up the new 800cc Triumph Tiger. Cracking bit of kit. Gone are the days of poor built British bikes this is a real gem, stunningly made and very good value for money. Lets see how long he keeps this one!

Lastly I can confirm that my golf game has gone to shreds, Last years champ is now this years chump, I'm bloody useless. Oh and extra last I've been stupidly naughty! remember the MOT I was going to get done at a station with a pit, Ummm...Well....Ummmm officer I've forgotten all about it! True its still not MOT'd I bloody forgot, I've not been stopped or anything its just somebody asked me the other day about MOT and I though shit!!!! I haven't done the van!

Week 37 : 4th August 2011

I like wild camping and living on the streets, as you know, especially in London but I have to draw a line when the RIOTS start!!!! I'm pitched up sort of 4 miles from Tottenham, plus its kicking off in Ilford down the road a mile away and Leytonstone even closer! Even the boys that own my beloved beer shop closed early for 2 nights and its not like them at all as being Indian they like to keep it open for god knows how many hours. I reckon a nice juicy Motorhome parked up on the road is a right attraction for these mindless nutter's, I'd have it rocked, turned over and set on fire in 5 minutes. So its time to skip off for a few days, (forget all that women and children first rubbish I'm off). Where to go? Easy solution here....Down to Wales  no riots there and probably never will be as everyone is too pissed most of the time, Caerleon I'm thinking and the Angel Pub car park makes a lot of sense. Will be good to see Mike , Darren, Paul and the boys again.

Ok there's a bit of fun in the above paragraph and I really ain't that scared or bothered living on the streets but why tempt fate? I bet a lot of people couldn't even live on the streets in a normal day let alone a riot day!

Had a few nice days before the riots started though, had Sugar come over to stay and went for a nice meal at Gioberties in Wanstead (nice place if you are ever in the area) etc, and Sunday I managed to hit a great outdoor store in Harlow called Go Outdoors, never heard of it before but is huge. It does camping, caravanning, fishing, hiking, biking loads of stuff. Was cool rummaging around looking at all the gear but its not cheap, no not at all. Plus most of the gear you look at says things like price: £31.00 with discount card £24.00 ??? What's all that about? Transpires that they sell this membership card for £5 a year which entitles you to discount but £31 to £24? Now I like to think I'm reasonably intelligent so it kinda makes me think the £31 isn't a proper price. Anyway I resisted the offer to buy a membership discount card and went on my way. Take a look anyway, they are nationwide and have big stores but the card thing pisses me off.

Its finally raining and the super duper mark 1 please work leak system .......Has failed!! Bollocks!! So like all good inventors like Edison and Colonel Sanders (Mr Kentucky Fried Chicken man, hey he got turned down over 500 times before somebody would try his coating) I'm continuing on to mark 2. Now I've decided to nip around next week to see my good old friend Nellie, who I used to play darts with many many years ago, he runs a hardware shop in Wood Street Walthamstow called Colvins, one of those proper hardware shops, you know where you can buy 1 or 2 things as opposed to a whole box like B&Q etc, and get proper professional advice. I'm thinking 2 minds are greater than 1 here! I know why and where it leaks its just the solution! More to come when I see him next week.

Oh need to mention the blackberry season is out and I don't mean those stupid phones!!! Parked up in the lane next to the biggest blackberry bush ever, out come a tub and its half an hour of being a kid again, had a huge pile, was down the shop in record time for some walls ice cream and I was off. None of that supermarket crap, pure organic blackberry's on my door step. I wonder what other food you can get for free???

Work is quiet, and there I was saying it had picked up and how it was all gonna be ok, and now everything seems to have ground to a halt, promises are not forthcoming and people have gone AWOL on me. I need to have a serious think about my job somewhere along the line. Ok its great I can travel and live in my Motorhome but when the money is not coming in and you are reliant on it then its a worry and makes me ill. This last year has been total shit work wise, but then I guess its been shit for everybody. The part about coming down to Wales to move from the riots is only partially true, I need a change of scene, sitting around here worrying is no good to anybody and will simply make me worse, lucky I have some nice people around me to give me some hope.

Arrive down in Wales, and I'm tucked up in Mikes car park. No issues on the way down all sweet. Will be nice to see my son ( we've booked in to see Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes Thurs night in Newport at Cine World, we've been waiting for this film for ages so its gonna be immense!), and of course I'll get over to see my folks as well. Anyway...On arrival I get a nice welcome as I enter the pub from the locals! Strange but people really love Motorhome's and caravans, as soon as you mention you live in one its like "wow" and they all want a look!! Currently doing guided tours of my van! ( young, single, sexy leggy blondes or the odd brunette please with a fetish for older men ) LOL!!  Just kidding for certain people who I know read the blog! So don't give me a hard time ..Its just a joke!  (or is it? lol!!)

pic's to follow

Week 38 : 11th August 2011

I'm slightly horrified to find out that my mum reads this blog! I went over to see her the other day as I'm only 20 min's away using the Piaggio ( Love my scooter ) Now, my mum is great, 78 years old, not the greatest reader and speller in the world as when she was a little girl she preferred to bake cakes rather than go to school, but she decided a year or so ago to learn how to use a computer, ( the old man bought a laptop used it like once and thought bugger this I'm too old ), so my mum stepped forward. Now considering most people of a similar age have no ambition to embrace technology whatsoever my mum has become the opposite, she's on Facebook, MSN messenger does email the lot, brilliant, chats to my kids via it, the lot. Problem is though she's discovered the Internet and alas my blog! She had a virus the other week on her laptop and my nephew Christopher fixed it for her, who said "..Nan you don't actually read his blog do you?? " " oh yes, I like to know where he is". Anyway, I said " Mum its warts and all, I'm not writing lies or bending the truth, what happens to me happens to me and ends up in the blog ". Will it stop me writing what I really want to write I hope not.

Still bolted up in Mikes car park its been great, weather's been lovely and had loads of laughs. One issue has sadly arisen, in a few local shops they have some big posters up in the window about a planning application, for change of use etc for some flats and a new retail unit, (Tesco express apparently) turns out Mikes pub is closing down!!! What a bummer, that's my free South Wales parking spot off the menu and what about Darren? His camper van has been in the car park for like 4 years! Sad news indeed.

I had a look in the estate agents the other day there's one opposite the pub, you can buy an house here for 100-150,000 easy, half decent as well. I'm thinking it may well be the way forward, get rid of my flat in London get the cash,  buy something down here in Caerleon and live mortgage free, will have money over for a new van as well I reckon. With stupid London rates and everything costing bucket loads it could be the way forward, oh and the biggest stupidest and costliest thing ever......THE LEZ!!!

LEZ..... London Emissions Zone. Now this heap of crap will seriously affect a big amount of us Motorhomer's as well as everyday honest self employed people like  builders, plumbers, removal men and a million more and it comes into effect very very quickly 3rd January 2012. What is it? Its the governments idea to reduce harmful emissions from motor vehicles within the capital (ok that seems fair and good I suppose). Vehicles registered before 2002 that are diesel or bio diesel have to be compliant. Now what's compliant? Well its basically 3 grand! Not kidding 3 grand!!!! Because that's what its gonna cost roughly to have a particle filter system fitted to your engine ( well actually its fitted to your exhaust ) oh and you can't do it yourself you have to take it to a specialist place where they fit it, test it etc and give a VOSA approval certificate. 3 GRAND!!!! And if you don't get it done and enter within the M25 London area the fine is £100 or £200 for heavier vehicles and that's per day!! And for some people it might cost more than 3 grand to have it fitted depending on your vehicle and its weight.

Now I know Boris wants to clean up the place but come on mate please think about it. Lets look at it this way, you live in London, you own a Motorhome and for 48 weeks of the year its parked on your drive, you load it up and pull away to venture off in to France, you are fined £100 straight away as the camera's will pick you up leaving London and fined another £100 on your return back into London, come on does that make sense? No it does not. Surely there must be some sort of exemption for Motorhome's, we don't use them like cars or vans, our mileage is next to nothing, look at my own van 73,000 mile in 21 years! Its nothing and this idiot is forcing me to pay 3 grand to keep it on the road in London on top of all the other charges, plus......Its not even in the city. If it was for the actually inner city bit itself like the congestion charge I could understand it but London is the size of Luxembourg, how many people are going to be put out here, I feel really sorry for the self employed man already struggling to earn a living and now has to cough up for a new van, or even van's in some cases. What are these pricks doing trying to bankrupt us all? Plus.. there's no help whatsoever, no scheme, no government subsidy, nothing. So be warned guys, step off the M25 and you are a gonna, you've just done £100 in cold blood. You can see if your vehicle is compliant by going here https://lowemissionzone.tfl.gov.uk/b/pb/lezComplianceProvideVRM.faces  to the stupid TFL site and punching in your registration number

Now, if like me you like to ride the law a little bit then here's an alternative approach to the LEZ which by the way is pure fantasy of course and I would never ever do it Mr Boris Johnson, its just something I thought up for a film. Come off the M25 where you know its zone free, like Waltham Abbey for example (the zone doesn't start until about 3 miles down the road). Pull over on to the side of the road and velcro on a set of French number plates over the top of your own, (you can buy them on line no problems supposed to be for show purposes only, what ever that means) then drive through the LEZ cameras. Pull over half a mile later where its quiet and remove them. Do the same thing on the way out. I can't see any foreigner worrying about the LEZ can you? A bunch of German's in their 1994 Hymer tag axel waltzing around London ain't gonna give a toss, and there's no way Boris can get the money off them, so my answer is be foreign or move to Wales.   

Left Wales, and all the gang Sid, Darren, Paul, Carly, Colin and the others, also gave my ex and family a quick tour of the van on Sunday which went down really well as Simon wants to buy one, ( he can have this if I don't get the LEZ thing sorted out) and I'm back up at the lane picking black berries again!

Lastly I've had a mental attack to the head. I've decided to pack in the alcohol, namely the dreaded lager. If I have one I must have 4 or even 6 so considering how much partying has gone on this year and the fact I drink every night its a wise choice but will be a challenge. I'm going to be using EFT ( Emotional Freedom Technique ) which involves the tapping of pressure points on your body which will help me relax and take away the desire for the drink. Gonna be interesting

Week 39 : 18th August 2011

As you can see I've still not put up last weeks pictures! Don't know why as it hasn't been that busy this week. Still on the streets of course and back in the lane blackberry picking! Even more on the bloody bush now than last time, one tip though eat them within a day as they go all mouldy!! True

Done a bit of work on the porker, nothing huge, just fiddly bits and ordered a complete lock set off a guy on EBay 40 quid, remember I chopped my key off in the ignition, well I can't get the bugger out, so I thought easy option is to change all the locks and for £40 that's a bargain, oh and my time as well. Sad thing is that the tax is up this month, blimey that's gone quick remember I sent Gary home from Swansea with it to put in the window not long ago, and to make it worse the MOT expires on the 25th of this month, although I have a great MOT guy, you can't just take a 30 year old car to any MOT station they will rip it to bits, the inspector needs to consider the age and the condition, ( well that's what I say anyway plus I give him £80!

Talking of the car I have been missing a huge electric opportunity. Recently my laptops were flat and rather than leave them in the Motorhome charging etc and using up the leisure batteries I thought mmmmm... why not simply take my inverter plug it into the porker plug in both laptops with a double plug and see what happens, I had a good 1 hour drive anyway, so why waste 1 hours worth of free electric....Makes sense!? And that's what I did, came back, opened up the laptops both charged! So the lesson is never miss an opportunity to charge anything up, its exactly the same as when I come back from Wales, I always plug my laptops and other stuff into the inverter for the 4 hour trek home.

Had Saturday down at Sugars house in Sarrffff London, went on the Piaggio, took no time to get there although I was seriously wondering if the Piag would still be there in the morning! I ain't kidding! Was a nice time and I eased her burdens with some of my superior DIY skills, ( Must be something about damsels in distress! ).

The no lager diet come stop drinking thing is so so. I went 3 days without a drink, and that includes being in pubs and drinking coke. I succumbed on the weekend with some glasses of wine but I have had a few lagers. Hey its not as easy as you think especially when you live alone plus look at Amy Winehouse they said the reason why she died was that she gave up the booze without trying to wean herself off it first and her body went into some sort of coma (that's what was in the paper and what her father said) Anyway, I'm still gonna give it a go and the EFT thing really does work you can read more about it here, don't knock it till you try it.

Played golf again this week, and yet again lost more money, these boys are making so much money off me they will have to declare it as income soon!! Did get a go on Lordy's new bike though the Triumph Tiger 800 ,cracking bit of kit it is too, in fact its never gone as fast as when I rode it! I ripped it all the way up and down the lane, now considering I ain't been on a big bike for donkeys years that was pretty good, no doubt when I do get one I'll end up killing myself!

Work has picked up a fraction, which is good, although I will need a a big increase to see me through the winter months but I have a couple of ideas. I've invented some software to be used in pubs and restaurants for their wi-fi I reckon its a seller and it ain't gonna cost me to much to pilot it, I'll tell you more later. I've also decided that I may try and get some advertising on this site, a client of mine that does splitter buses for music bands has 2 adverts on his site for insurance perhaps I can do the same thing for Motorhome insurance or products etc I'm gonna email a few, with over 1100 visitors to this site each month it must be worth their while! I'll let you all know.

I've decided to venture off back to Bakewell for the bank holiday weekend, its not too far away and its such a stunning place. I'm also considering nipping down to the South of France to see my friends, would really really love to Motorhome it, but its just not worth it, a return trip with Ryanair with the taxes is like £80, it will cost me that on the ferry alone if not more. Sorry if the intended roaming for this blog is not as roaming as far as it should do! I did wanna go south of France , Spain etc etc but this is the real world and without money it can't be done, diesel is shit loads of money and I dread to think what the cost would be. But.....One thing I do on this website is never tell lies, nothing is invented or made up what you read is the truth, warts and all. I live in a Motorhome and this is my life.

Lastly my lovely daughter Lydia got 3 A's and a C in her A level results well done !! xxx 

Week 40 : 25th August 2011

Its Bank holiday weekend and I've decided to leg it up to Bakewell. This time I'm taking Sugar so she can see how wonderful the place is but before we go I've got a battery problem, the leisure batteries are draining fast, so I've charged them up at the ex witches house while she is away on holiday and run a simple TV test, ( put the telly on see how long it goes for!) and its 1 hour, that's total crap it should do 10 - 12 hours easy, it only draws  under 3 amps, I'm guessing I've recharged it so many times its life cycle is ending..... but.....It says on the side 2 year warranty and I've had it 9 months, so I venture off back to Halford's with receipt in hand, tell the girl on the till ( who seems to know nothing about batteries ) and voila!! Its changed for a new one. Well done Halford's, I'll be changing the other one soon as well. Hey 2 year  warranty means 2 years it doesn't say that it will not cover people living in a Motorhome 24/7!

Anyway back to Bakewell, not stupid enough to leave on a Friday so we drive up Saturday afternoon and get in about tea time. Yet again the gods are on my side as the few parking spaces in Holmes Lane are free and we get to park up nicely. Really is a lovely place Derbyshire, and to be honest I'm going to explore it a lot more, places like Buxton ( where the water comes from) just around the corner and tons of other cute quaint villages. Problem is though I ain't looked at that engine mounting problem and the van is shaking through the gears until I get up to a nice 60, got to get this done

Nip into the village and give Sugar the guided tour, ( well I was here for a week last time ). The lovely streams the lovely bridges oh and the lovely Wheatsheaf pub where I spent the majority of my time, working of course! Now remember the carnival and the Wheatsheaf entry The Space Shuttle well I'm glad to tell you they won first prize, Jason who's pub it is filled me in on all the details he was well chuffed. Some nice pubs in Bakewell but I don't think the Wheatsheaf was to Sugar's liking (not sure why) so we ended up in another that was a little more classy?! ( funny creatures women but more to come on this).

Bank holiday weekend and a huge market in the village selling god knows what crap. Seriously I can buy tons of crap, solely on the basis that its a good idea, but with Sugar in tow I resisted the urge ( well actually it was " you sure you need that?" ) about the only thing I did buy was a bottle of Miracle Carpet Cleaner, some guy doing a demo saying things like " gets rid of stubborn stains in seconds... £8.99 on the telly, yours for 2 quid , blah blah blah ok I'm a sucker but I thought I would use it on the porker.

Stunningly quite in the lane, all you hear in the early hours is the birds tweeting and the odd cow in the field opposite, brilliant. Back into town for the evening and it appears The Wheatsheaf have a Karaoke going, oh... Now Sugar wants to go in there!! " I want to hear you sing " she says ( I don't blame her ha ha ) Was a good crack I blasted out my normal Elvis number  "Just can't help believing " and had the honour of singing the last song of the night " Neil Diamond Love on The Rocks which the Karaoke guy Dave recorded for me and sent it to me via email, nice touch and I sound the nuts! Told you I could sing Sugar.

Various problems getting home, heavy traffic and a loose belt screeching and howling all the way home, was so embarrassing ! M25 shut ! Had a huge detour but we made it in the end

Had a look at the fan belt squeak transpires the bracket that adjusts the fan belt tension is snapped, I've made a quick repair, no squawking at the mo but will need a new one. Got the bloody Porker to MOT and tax as soon as possible more cost!

And finally..... I'm back!!!! played golf with the lads Weds and I'm the man!! give us your money! 7 pars 7 bogeys and a couple of mishaps but I beat them hands down!

Week 41 : 1st September 2011

The dreaded letter has turned up from Boris and his gang, the patronising bar stewards, Dear Mr Jenkins we are writing to inform you your vehicle G275 xxx is not compliant with the new low emissions zone blah blah blah. Now in this letter they go on to say that I am a tiny minority, the huge majority of people will not be affected ( oh yeh?? ) and that I should seek immediate advice about having my vehicle modified to conform ( Oh and if I don't I will be getting a £100 a day fine ) NO help NO money NO incentive just this patronising stupid letter. The French number plates thing is looking good

Talking of letters I had this gem today, went to the ex witches house as I bought my kids a new Rabbit hutch, well actually not brand new someone was selling one local, big huge thing, only a year old, former resident was little Bertie the Lion Head rabbit, that was beaten up by 6 magpies in his own back yard and is now a house rabbit to keep the little lion safe ( its true lol! ). Anyway after knocking up the hutch in the garden and introducing Pippa and Finley to their new mansion, I opened some mail........

Dear Paul Jenkins

ABANDONED VEHICLE

Make: Piaggio Scooter   Reg Number:  LK54 XXX       Location:  Leicester Road E11      Reported on 26/08/2011

I have a report that the above vehicle is abandoned. We have made enquiries and you are the owner.

(this is a cracker!) The above vehicle has been chained to a lamp column at the above address. Please be advised you are not permitted to chain anything around council property, so please remove the chain from the lamp column at the above address at your earliest convenience.

Russell Ward Head of Environmental Services.  PP C Bacharts  Direct Line 0208708 5053  please ask for Claire

Now Claire its obvious to me you must blonde and its your time of the month because to send a stupid letter out with regards to chaining a scooter around a post is just mental. All scooter owners chain them up against something because they get nicked that's why the insurance is so high. So why didn't you tell the so called "middle class" moron ( with fuck all else to do in their lives daily) to mind their own business. Now.. I park the Motorhome their reasonably regular and this is just another attempt by jealous prat's to create an issue. Honestly these kind of people do my head in, its a fucking scooter with a chain around it parked by a lamp post, what the hells the problem? And what is causing you so much offence you have to ring the council? Oh and you honestly think its abandoned ( do me a favour), Claire you are a complete twat along with the Muppet that rang you. 

I had a couple of days in the Motorhome park again, kinda splashing out, (well the rates have gone down as its out of season, and Sugar came around for one night although it took her like 2 hours to get to me. I had to go and find her on the scooter she was lost!! She's the only woman in the world that drives somewhere without a clue where she is going or the aid of a sat nav! ) but I have to tell you about this incident. Couple of oldies perhaps late 60's perhaps 70's,  nice lovely couple where in the motorhome park today, turned up in a seriously old Pilote held together with yellow coloured gaffa tape, but the old man must have had a mental brain storm, here's what happened. I'm pulling out of my pitch and pull up behind them, they are parked in the Motorhome service area, and I need to drop my waste water and fill up with fresh. Nobody in the cab so I head into the office, " ...Sorry Paul you can't get access to that area at that moment, the old boy has just filled up his diesel tank with fresh water!!!!!..."  I found the couple and had a chat, 8 years he's had this Pilote!  Why oh why oh why would you one day fill your diesel tank with water! Felt so sorry for them and such a nice couple. One good thing, the office manager came running out when it all happened and said " for gods sake DON'T try and start it!

Tony emailed about stealth campers, ( message in guest book as well) and we have swapped a few emails regarding how to set one up. Main issue is.... is it better to have a stealth camper than a classic Motorhome if you are wild camping? My main problem would be light, otherwise I would feel very claustrophobic, for me I would have a big window in the front of the roof and  in the middle a 160 watt solar panel then another big window to wards the rear I reckon none of this would be really visible from street level. So that would be my light and power sorted. I'd still want hot water and heat somehow so a flu will still be required although they ain't that big and people don't really know what they are. But a Carver vent from the water heater will be showing on the side of the van kinda low down mines about 6" x 6" again should not be too much of a hassle, I would resist the urge to put in some side windows even if they were seriously black in colour,  Tony suggest sticking some magnetic signs on the side saying like Jenkins Bros waste disposal services or similar ( nice one Tony ) but I've actually seen this before. When I was in Porthcawl South Wales there was a car park, which was an over night no problem  but NO camper vans and no Motorhome's etc . Now walking back from the pub one day I see a guy opening the side door of a white panel van, I knew it was a stealth as I could see the flu and a very small TV aerial, No windows whatsoever on the sides or on the roof, but on the side in magnetic signs  he had    " Jones and Son  Quality Carpenters and Joiners   Tel 07931 999456 "  I watched as he opened the door and yes it was a full camper inside. This guy had been parked there for the 5 days.!!!!

Other issues will be TV reception, and where the hell will my scooter go. Tony suggested fitting a small garage inside at the back, but that ain't gonna leave that much living space I don't think. I suppose if I had a van that was the size of a Kontiki with roof windows as opposed to side windows I could get along with it, but its gonna have to be a big panel van! More on this next week or if anybody has ideas please contribute its a good subject

Lastly I fixed the screeching fan belts, on the alternator the bottom adjuster bracket has snapped clean in half , I managed to double it over, put in a new bolt, adjust it up and all is sweet, blissful peace! Oh and extra lastly I have now officially started to prostitute myself by trying to get some advertising on this site ( well times are hard and things cost money! ) Lets see how it goes!!

Week 42 : 8th September 2011

Loads of mail this week, thanks a lot guys I really mean it, all to do with the stealth idea! More about this a few paragraphs down.

I finally got my lazy bum off the sofa and did something about my Motorhome floor. Its well known on these Kontiki's and some others I have been told that the floor gets saggy when you stand in the hotspots area over the years ie in front of the cooker /sink area outside the toilet and the entrance from the main door. I've been meaning to do something about it for ages and finally did!  I strengthened up the weak existing ply floor with some resin and then laid a new 9mm ply floor over the top. Feels superb, no weak spots no nothing. OK I know you can have the old floor removed and a new one put in but its mega bucks, like 2 grand or something, this solution cost me 100 quid!. I measured out the floor and the cuttings required and headed off to my mates place Colvins and had all my ply cute perfectly to fit, that's what you get with old fashioned hardware stores buy a sheet of ply for 30 quid and they cut it for you free of charge excellent. Anyway screwed it all down while resting in Tesco's car park one day and then the following day got 2 packs of value carpet tiles from B an Q, some spray glue ( fitted them there and then in the car park! ) and bingo ...One brand new floor what a difference, I'm loving it. Carpet burns galore! LOL!

Actually you can stay in loads of car parks during the day I've been doing it a lot lately I've at least 8 supermarkets and industrial parks near me some with restrictions and some without, in fact I would say 80% have no restrictions, wish I had done this earlier in my voyage, get off the street for the day and simply return at night. I also totally forgot about one of my fav Epping Forest Parks,  Hollow Ponds just around the corner, free parking and a beautiful view. Been settling down in too many few spots to regular, need to find new places

Loads of stuff on the stealth camper from last week. I'm almost tempted to sell this and try a stealth for a year to compare and report the difference. I've not had massive aggro in this baby, not at all, but the stealth must be a better proposition on the streets, its got to be, the Kontiki sticks out like a sore thumb, and you always hear comments from people walking by, even when all the blinds are down, like the other morning when some so called middle class la de da said to his child ".. It comes to something when people are now living on the streets tut tut" directly outside my van. Hey you are the one paying the big mortgage , council tax and the rest of the rubbish mate...

Anyway on to the Stealth stuff. Got a great email from Phil, telling me all about his stealth, in his own words " its not a living van its a survival van ", I loved it and he's sent me a few pictures which are below. Here's what he's got in his van ( well its like the size of car!) Coleman Blackcat Heater, Porta Potty, Camping Stove, Ring Automotive Power Pack, Endless Breeze Vent 12v Fan, and Wavebox Microwave!  Now that's what I call wild camping and he's in it Mon-Thurs, not my cup of tea of course but....... Imagine this ....... The wife has kicked you out, she just sat you down one night at say... 5 past 10, perhaps in May on a Monday evening around the 16th and said " I don't want to be with you anymore" " oh but don't worry...its only a temporary thing of course I just need some space" (Oh look there's a big flying pig coming over the top of that hill....Lying biatch) ......And then you have to leave your home, you have relatively no money, no where to go, and are pulling your hair out in total shock ......Voila!! Introducing the Survival Camper. Perhaps we should all get together and start a company flogging them to blokes that end up lonely and on their backside for no fault of there own. There we are Boris an idea for you! And it will weigh less than is required for the LEZ. So it looks like we have another camper in our realms not just the stealth and the classic Camper Van / Motorhome but the Survival Van. Sleep, Eat and keep warm that's the requirements of survival.

Apologies if I have been a little on the "woman bashing front" lately (in the blog of course!!), The bit about being blonde etc etc , I don't mean it, its just poetic license. I do like blondes really,( and brunettes!) but hey Michelle was blonde ,my sons Mother Judy is blonde, Penny was blonde, my lovely daughter Lydia is blonde ( although for a girl that got 3 A's in her A levels she comes out with some real crackers! ( flying back from Spain and approaching the UK she says ) " Daddy look there's Wales down there" ????? "Wales?" Yes Daddy Wales " " Sweetheart that's England " " No Daddy its Wales its the first country we fly over when arriving by plane from holiday " 45 minutes and countless arguments later the penny drops and she finally realises that we are flying from east to west, over France and then...England ! Anyway its all tongue in cheek banter, so lay off the death threats ( ha just kidding not had any yet....But you never know!! )

Couple of things to look forward to, got a wedding coming up this weekend, golf society comp on Weds and on the 23rd its down to Porthcawl in South Wales for the annual Elvis Festival Weekend with Milky and the gang going to be a right laugh  "huh huh huh" (Elvis style!!) lol

Week 43 : 15th September 2011

I've always thought about getting a little Motorhome companion (a dog) but its a big commitment, but my appetite has been seriously heightened by Milky's sons new dog Max! The cutest little Jack Russell puppy anyone has ever seen, little white and brown thing slightly smaller than my kids rabbits! So cute, I've even had him in the Motorhome for a trial run! I think the best option is to borrow a dog for a week and see how I get on, if anybody has advice on this ( Motorhome dog living) let me know as I won't be jumping in feet first

Some prat has put a penalty notice sticker on my van, no doubt Mrs la de da middle class's idea of telling me I'm not wanted in the street, what is it with these people? Its not a real penalty notice just a blank envelope yellow one, grow up will you

I'm at the lovely Tower Hotel this weekend on the river Thames for Dean and Charlottes wedding, lovely venue and directly below the Tower Bridge itself all lit up to the hilt and looking very impressive, and parked slightly down stream is Aviva one of the worlds top Super Yacht's, 70 meters long and some serious monies worth, owned I believe by one of the Tottenham Hotspurs Share holders. Anyway cracking wedding and I wish you guys all the best.

I've dived back into the Motorhome park for 2 days, I need to do a few bits and pieces, the most important being my radiator fan is on 24/7 even with the ignition key out! I reckon its a sticking relay but I don't know where the hell its located , I changed the thermo sender ( 26 quid!! ) but still the same so its off to Maplin's for some 30 amp 12 volt cable and a switch.  I've by-passed the main wiring and now have a manual switch I can turn on and off in the cab as a temporary measure. Looks like I'm going need a workshop manual which is not a bad thing to have. Also thought a quick oil change and filter might be useful but stupid Euro car parts have given me the wrong filter, plus some idiot has rounded the sump plug off, so that ain't going to get done! Wanted to do this for my trip to Wales but never mind. At least I get to hoover out the van and get it all neat and tidy for Elvis.

I'm off to Wales tomorrow for the annual Elvies it's Europe's biggest Elvis festival. I went last year and its the nuts. I can highly recommend this to any camper it really is brill, and this year I have the wonderful benefit of the Kontiki to park up on the beach front instead of a stupidly expensive hotel for 3 nights. But first I'm going to spend a night in Mikes car park in Caerleon, to see my son and wait for it.........Michelle! Yes you read it correctly, she's got a few bits and pieces of mine that I need back, but it appears nutter boy has gone awol again, see everybody "the grass may be greener on the other side but you still have to cut it". More about this next week and more about Mikes pub which... Is no longer Mikes pub! I pull up into Caerleon and as I get near I see all the curtains are drawn, I'm thinking shit somebody has died, I pull into the car park and can still see Darren's van so that's ok, go inside and its like a day time night club, transpires Mike has left and there's a new guy taking over, my first selfish thought is.."Is he Motorhome friendly?" transpires he is and his names Dean, reason for the curtains being drawn the transfer of license has not gone through and its basically a private party!!

Got to see my son of course 22 yesterday, (blimey how time fly's!) What a lovely lad he is and we had a couple of beers in the Goldcroft with his mates 

Full report on the Elvis festival next week with some nice pic's, huh huh huh !

Week 44 : 22nd September 2011

Poor Carly The Angel Pub bar maid is sweating on the license issue, she's going back to Bristol Monday, and is having a big birthday party Saturday night, No license no party! Sorry hun, can't make it I'm in Porthcawl for you know what. Also, without Mike in the pub Peter the bread man has lost his playing partner for golf, and despite buying yet another brand new set of Taylor Made Irons, it looks like they will be staying in his shed for a while as mine are stuffed safely in the boot of the Porker back in London outside Milky's house.

Parking can be a little tricky in Porthcawl, ( about an hours drive from Caerleon its just down the road from Gavin and Stacey's Barry) you can park up on the beach front no problem but get there early! Gets packed out very quickly but...You have to move it before 11pm as its no parking for Motorhome's 11pm-7am,  ( see.. A stealth would get away with it) and the old bill give out the tickets. Saturday night at roughly 1am Milky and I are staggering along the sea front on the way to another bar and we see them in action, handing out tickets like leaflets its a 40 quid fine, so be warned.  No issues for me of course as I'm in the main car park, big sign  " No Camping - No Sleeping - No Cooking well that's not an issue for me as I'll be in the pub watching and singing Elvis for like 14 hours a day with the gang so off I go to find the parking warden which I do " ..Can I park here mate ?"   " ...Yes you can but are you sleeping in it? "   "...No mate, I'm here with my mates in a hotel but need somewhere to park it up, will be back and forth to check on it though ( good job I ain't got some sort of Living in a motorhome sticker on the back! )"        "..... OK no problem just make sure you have a valid ticket"  And that's it! I'm  parked up for 3 quid a day, no issues at all. I'm sleeping in it of course you just need to be sensible, get the black out blinds down and doze off.

As said before, the Elvis festival is the nuts, thousands of people here, and on Colney Beach is The High Tide Pub, ( well its like a super pub ) massive, so big it has 2 huge rooms with different Elvis's in each room and a huge outdoor marquee with a live band and even more Elvis's or perhaps it should be the plural Elvi?? Who knows! If you plan to come down its the place to be, prices are very reasonable and entertainment is free. With a fresh Elvis on every 30 minutes you don't miss anything, big, fat, small, ugly, foreign they are all here, although the fat blotted mature Elvis seems the rage!! Best one here is GI Elvis he's fantastic. There is also loads going on in the town itself where every pub / bar engages in the fun, and tons of fancy dress going on, in fact I had this great Warrant Officer's outfit ready to wear. My mum got it for me as she's on the committee of the RAFA club in Cwmbran, belongs to one of the guys there, would have looked the business big time but I was worried about damaging it as this guy has had it like 40 years or something, wished I'd brought it now, never mind.

Got some great snaps of Sunday morning on the beach front where a huge convention of Motorhome's have taken up all the parking! Must be 30 of them, some old some new and mainly sporting Welsh flags and Elvis stickers. I'll be tucked up in mine at 1.00pm for the Singapore Grand Prix, no issues getting TV reception here! After a retune it says I have 153 channels! The High Tide and Elvis can wait! GP is more important!  Now  while parked up waiting for the race to begin I came up with a clever idea. I've always admired those Motorhome's where you can swivel the passenger seat around, but alas the Kontiki ain't got a swivel...But... If you simply remove the 4 screws that hold the seat into the base with a pozi drive screwdriver and this takes all of a genuine 30 seconds you can turn the whole seat around and screw it back in!! Bingo!!..Who needs a swivel (see pic)

Coming back from Porthcawl I call in at Mikes old pub, well Deans pub now, and get a call from Michelle, would I like to look after Charlie " The King Charles Cavalier Stud " for a week as Kissey the bitch is off for an abortion and the process of spaying. So Monday night I officially took charge of the little rascal and so far I have walked the socks of him or is that off me!) Seems like a good idea, weird having a dog in the van but I'll give it a go, more next week!

Talking of Michelle yes I did meet her for a drink and had a chat about the past, wasn't easy for her to meet me I don't think. She got taken in a bit by ex lover boys charm and promises of a glorious future together which of course he did not keep and the whole thing was over in a month. Feel sorry for her really, but as I said to her " You did what you thought was right at the time, " anyway I'm still friends with her but that's as far as its going to go.

Got to get back to London! Porker to MOT and TAX, work to try and find, and of course I'm getting a bit of an earful from Sugar... About Michelle... etc ! 

Week 45 : 29th September 2011

I'm back in London without Charlie the stud, in the words of Michael Jackson I'm a lover not a fighter and that's Charlie all over, forget fighting "I just want to sxxg anything that moves!" Oh, as well as sniff every blade of grass and pee over it. Was fun having him, at least it got me out of the van and walking! Hey and I reckon if you need to meet women then get a dog, amazing how these cute little things attract everybody walking down the road ha ha. Thought 2 days was enough as an intro for now so  dropped him off back with Michelle on my way down the motorway on my way home. Not sure I want a dog , but I did enjoy Charlie's time so I'm gonna have him for a whole week or more from the 8th while Michelle goes to Scotland with her family, bloke whatever . Me and the Stud out on the road. Just wondering..... Who's the bigger stud? Ha ha

I've got some important decisions to make with the LEZ coming up, plus  my tenants leaving my flat, shall I sell and move to Wales? Re rent? God knows but one thing that is looking evident is that I will have to sell the Kontiki. Now before we all start to get emotional here lets look at the facts. Boris will fine me 100 quid a day to come into inner London where my kids live, but I live here anyway (kinda) so if I continue to live anywhere near here I'm gonna have to be on the out skirts which isn't going to  make a lot of sense. The French number plates trick is ok for every now and again but not full time I reckon.  The alternative is to get a particle filter fitted ( that's if they do one and its like 3 grand ) and I just don't see the figures adding up. So I reckon the Kontiki has to go........ But....A new project can develop...Out of every sad side comes a good side.....Living in a Motorhome - The Stealth! Sell the old girl and buy a panel van and start a stealth project from scratch, its still living in a Motorhome but under cover!  Even better. I know everyone will help on this site. Your opinions are valued so let me know what you think, chuck in some design's, ideas, contributions will be great. I may have to move into a flat / house for a few weeks while doing it but I think it will be a great opportunity to explore the difference between stealth camping and Motorhome camping.  Brilliant idea. The alternative, move to Wales keep the Kontiki but I can't come into London ( well could do on French plates ) or buy something compliant but who the Fxxx has the money to buy a 2003 on wards Motorhome now a days?

Logic says buy a 2003 onwards panel van and build project Stealth.

So on the basis that she may have to go, "..One 1990 Swift Kontiki 640/6 Turbo Diesel for sale, 73,000 Miles ,6 berth ( although you would never want 6 people in it!) 16" wheels loved and totally adored for the last 12 months by a nutcase live in tenant, everything works, awning, top box, solar blah blah blah  few marks here and there but she is 20 years old, will have 12 months MOT and some tax. Anybody interested give me a shout.

I got the Porker Mot and Taxed, kinda light weight MOT to be honest, 30 year old cars can't really go too aggressive on the corner garages as they rip them to bits, so while my mot is 100% legit it was given a kind look over! Lol Remember the 2 quid carpet cleaner I bought in Bakewell? Well I used it the other day on the Porker carpets Fantastic come up like new!! See buying crap sometimes does come off!

I've also decided that any new woman I meet in my life from this day on is not going to know about the blog. Its to much hassle. I'm simply going to say I'm writing a book, can't be doing with constant questions, plus sometimes I feel I can't write what I want to write and that's simply not me. This is my life, and the blog is a true version of it, its not made up or anything and nothing is  missed out on. People will still get added of course is just they won't know about it!

Work is stupidly slow again. In fact there is nothing. I'm owed 700 quid from some Danish people and I can't get it. Got one job on the go that's for 800 and that's it! Its pants.  Really need to make some big decisions here on life. Going to do some leafleting on the bike tonight lets see what happens.  

Depression has set in and I'm not happy. Having one of those moments again, I'm lonely as fxxx. Got motorhome, green fields, open air and depression. I honestly wonder what the fxxx I am doing with my life. Be careful what you wish for ....Could just walk away from everything right now, straight into the sea.

Week 46 : 6th October 2011

To try and get over my depression patch I've legged it back down to Wales, Michelle's going on holiday to Scotland so I've decided to take Charles the Stud for a week or so, its company and somebody to talk to and I like him! Ok its £120 in fuel or more but if it keeps me sane then its money well spent. Still got that bloody shaking moving up through the gears, looks like I'm gonna have to take it in, will try and do it in Wales as labour costs here are well cheap compared to London. I'm holed up of course in the Angel pub but I get a big shock as I pull in to the car park, Darren's van is missing? Can't remember him telling me he was going away and then I see him in the pub. Turns out the DVLC clamped him for no tax there and then in the pub car park, now... You are thinking, hang on surely its private land ( which is what he argued ) but the car park has public access which allows them to come and do what they want apparently, your only defence is to keep it hidden behind locked doors. So the poor sod is now £260 lighter and has had to move it somewhere else until he can afford the tax, tires and mot.

Saturday morning is the day of the big rugby match Wales v Ireland kick off 6.00am all meeting in Minstrels Sports bar (opposite the Angel) they really are mad in Wales, so there we are in a pub at 6am in the morning! Drinking a combination of Coffee and Lager! Cheering on the mighty Welsh, which of course as you know by now Wales won. Next Saturday bring on the French!

My immune system must be low as I'm struggling with a severe case of man flu. Feel rough as Fxxx. I'm never ill, can't remember the last time I had a cold flu etc, I reckon that's the beauty of Motorhome living. I reckon an early night tonight so I can cough my guts up even more than last night! Actually its taken a big grip and ruined my mini holiday, can't sleep. constantly tired and coughing up 24/7.

Thanks for all your mail trying to cheer me up I appreciate it, plus all the mail about the Kontiki and its possible sale. I'm not quite sure who is gutted more, me or some of you! Anyway I've gone through the Kontiki options and here they are...We know that the old girl needs three grand spent to stay within the M25 and its 3 grand I ain't really got at the moment. In addition the tenants in my flat in Walthamstow are leaving on the 25th of this month. Loads of options, but one key option may be to sell the Walthamstow flat. Get about £210k -£215k for it and release about £150k net. Keep the Kontiki and move out of London say to Wales buy a house there for 100 110 grand and have happy days or sell the Kontiki and buy something newer or better? As I have said before answers on a post card please! Anyway I've chucked a for sale sign on her (for a cheeky £7500) while in the pub car park (as it's parked facing a busy one way main road) and I've already had visitors on it, just thought I would do it to gauge interest.

( Just thought of another option!) Sell the old girl and buy a petrol Kontiki! The LEZ only applies to diesels! Just a thought.....Wait....I've been told a new LEZ beating angle, and this one comes from the guy in Ponthir who breaks and sells the Talbot Express Vans, simply change your log book to petrol! Talking of the Talbot Express man his opinion on the cab shaking through the gears drive shaft gone, £170 new or £40 second hand, not got any available but is stripping a few vans next week , I'll get him to post me one.

Another living option is this. In the Sewardstone Road Camp site they have a load of static caravans, really lovely they are,  bit of a waiting list for them, but they do come up for sale, and they are well cheap to own and run. You can buy one for roughly 18 grand and the yearly site fee is 2100! That's peanuts like 40 quid a week, electric is metered and gas is via big flo gas bottles, but 40 quid a week!? You have to get of the site for the whole of February ( its open 11 months of the year due to no council tax etc ) plus....Check this out.. Its only a bus and tube into central London I reckon you could easy get £400-£600 a week during the summer months renting it out to foreign visitors ( oh and the Olympics is coming up soon as well ). In essence I could have a Motorhome, a static and a house in Wales, then get rental from the two that are fixed and still live in a Motorhome....Just a thought!? Choices choices choices.....

Despite the above I'm still interested in the stealth idea. From a blog journalistic point of view to live a year in a full on coach built Motorhome then live a year in a stealth will be stunningly interesting, hey I might hate every second but that's the challenge surely? Feedback for everybody. Loads of guys will be reading this blog thinking (like I was) can I live in a Motorhome on the streets ? Well if I go through with it readers will get the best of both worlds and a serious appraisal of the two variations.

The flu has ruined my Welsh adventure totally, was going golf with Peter the Bread man now that's off, nobody wants me to visit them, I'm like a leper !I'm taking Charlie back tomorrow and heading back up to the smoke, to pass on Welsh flu to the English. If it wasn't for my daughters school presentation day thing I would stay here.

Was gonna put a load of pictures up sorry but they take ages to do resizing etc and I can barely write this blog being man flu bound...Nurse Nurse!!

Week 47 : 13th October 2011

Flu is a bit better, still coughing up loads but feeling healthier in the head! May be a slightly shorter diary input this week sorry, I've loads on my plate and will explain a lot more next week. I've dived back in the Motorhome park up at Sewardstone Road  as the prices have dropped a bit, although its still heavy money. It's amazing when you have a good look around and do a bit of people watching what you can see and deduce in these places. There's a guy here in a Mitsubishi pick up truck he did have a tent last week but it got blown around a bit! I know coz I helped to put all his gear back inside it (the best I could) when he was at work, anyway...He's out of the tent now and he's actually living in one of the small 2 berth wooden cottages they have for rent here, ( I'm thinking why the hell are you living in one of these?) But it doesn't take a lot of working out, his wife has left him ( she left him but he had to leave ..Sounds familiar? ) And he's got no where to go, he tried a tent couldn't hack it and now he's in the lodge. Now......Opposite me is a huge 36ft American Georgetown Motorhome a monster it is with a slide out as well. I get the chance one morning to say hello to its owner James really nice guy. Lets take an educated guess why he is here every week.......... Yep his wife left him! Another one! What the Fxxx is going on? Turns out the best he could do was to buy this on the book for 20 grand and live / park it on the site while things get sorted out. I love finding out why people are in the vans but this is becoming a familiar story ( as well as the emails that I get saying the same thing ).

Took the van for its very belated mot this week!! When I mean belated I mean it. It ran out in May! Anyway...After a very very thorough 50 minute MOT she passed!! Couple of silly notifications but a good genuine pass, not bad considering she's 21 years old well down girl!.

My favourite bar (was) in Wanstead BRB ( Bar Room Bar ) has been shut for 2 weeks having a makeover and I manage to get back in time for its opening evening, the place looks great so I head in at about 6.30pm and this prick of an assistant manager Pat who I'm not a lover of comes up and says " U got a VIP Pass?" ummm no " Well you can't come in " just like that. Ignorant piece of shit he is. What is the point of having a re fit then having an opening night but your regular customers who.... pay their way eating food and drinking beer there every day can't come in because ...its for VIP's.Do these VIP's spend their money there everyday? I don't think so. These people have no business sense whatsoever, their thought...." we'll have a refit / refurb and then invite some posh people around" surely your thought should be " we'll have a refit / refurb and then have a grand opening night for everybody. Honestly some people / business's don't deserve to succeed and hiring pig ignorant staff like Pat will make that happen sooner rather than later. Its called Bar Room Bar if your in Wanstead anytime give it a try the Pizza's are great see if you can spot the pig ignorant assistant manager it won't be hard.

A new static caravan was delivered into the park today, I've never looked inside one, ain't got a clue what they look like, so I asked Mark the park guy to give me a tour. Brilliant is the only word to describe it. Big old thing it is huge, lounge with sofas etc, dining area, fully fitted and fully kitted out kitchen, proper bathroom toilet the lot. One master bedroom with fitted wardrobes and one guest room with 2 beds. Central heating with a proper Worcester Bosch combi boiler, mains water, proper electric and 57kg gas bottles, stunning condition like new and the cost £17000!! Yep 17 grand!! You buy it for that figure and its yours and you pay £2100 a year for ground rent, a year being a full 11 months ( no council tax as its a holiday park ) the park closes for the whole of February and  everyone must leave. Now what a deal that is! £50 a week! For your very own London base. I am seriously seriously considering buying one out of the London flat money. Here's the latest plan ( ha ha ) sell the London flat, sell the Kontiki and the Porker,  buy a small house in Wales a static caravan here and a T4 or T5 camper to spend time in back and for ! Perfect!!

Played golf Weds it was the last competition of the season, not won anything this year but came a good joint second in the gold, but best of all I sunk a 25 foot off the green putt to take a tenner off Lordy on the 18th green right in front of the club house, he was counting his money and laughing. When the putt went in you should have seen his face ..Priceless!!!!

Week 48 : 20th October 2011

What a week. Been a very busy boy, where do I start? I've come into the Motorhome park to tidy up the Kontiki, I need space and electric. I've decided to put her on Ebay, it has to be done, Its going to break my heart totally but with the LEZ looming and money tight I'm doing it. Now rest assured just because the Kontiki is going it doesn't mean the blog is stopping, I'll be getting a new van asap, but living in a Motorhome is about the ups and downs of living in one, owning one, affording one, travelling in one, selling one the lot! There's a few bits to do, (as well as a good old vacuum out!) I need to replace the rear seat cushion one of the large ones in the U shaped area its really hard and not up to scratch so after a good hunt around I find a foam place in Islington called foam tech, really nice people and will cut anything for you to shape, could be very handy for the stealth, anyway they cut me a big piece 140cm x 74 x 12.5 and its £65 I thought that was a result! I've also done a little bit of painting here and there and the odd bit of gluing. After a good old clean out and vacuum she's looking really great.

I've got her on EBay on the auction bit, but with a reserve. I've also included my phone number for a BIN ( buy it now ) price, and almost immediately within a couple of hours the phone is ringing regular. I'm not a huge seller of things on EBay but I know there are some complete morons on there like the bloke that offered me £3000 for a quick sale ( of which he heard those most famous go away words... Fxxx off mate you must be kidding

Within a few hours I've got 2 so called serious buyers who want to see it asap which is the following morning, so at 11.00am A woman called Addy arrives, (no husband in tow he's working) she gives it a good old look over and has a good 15 minute call to the old man. They will take it at 7 grand, they've seen quite a few lately and this is the best they have seen for the money, needs a few bits here and there but its not an issue. So we do the deal. The Kontiki needs an MOT first so I book it in at the earliest I can which is a couple of days away Fri am. After a good 50 minute inspection she passes!!!!!!!! 2 minor things slightly corroded brake pipes ( well they will be after 21 years) and a tyre close to the limit. I'm well chuffed.

I call Darren the husband of the women who has agreed the deal and tell him the good news but because of my commitments I ask them to collect the van Sunday as I have to empty the whole thing out and find somewhere to store all my gear, which in this case is my old flat as my tenants are leaving that weekend. All going super smooth. Darren rings me Saturday 2.00pm for the reg number for insurance and would it be possible for me to tax it for them for a year and he will give me the money when he pays the balance. NO problem. I get 60% of the gear out of the van doing two trips to Walthamstow in the porker and when I get back to the park at 7.00pm I get a txt.. " Thanks for everything but we have bought another van, best of luck cheers" WHAT THE FUCK?? I had to read it 3 times to get it in my head. I immediately ring the guy but he wont answer, but I ain't given in so I just keep ringing and ringing until he answers, " .. yeh well my wife saw another van today which we felt was better blah blah blah " By this time I am spitting feathers and the F word cannot come out fast enough, of which the shit cut me off and refused to answer. Unbelievable, I spend all my time sorting things out, tell everybody its sold, spent 4 days in the park at £18 a night coz I wanted to keep the van safe  etc etc and these tosser's do this. Suffice to say I sent him a no holds barred extreme text message expressing my disgust using words that would upset people in a rugby dressing room. God forbid if they ever cross my path again, if you are reading this blog Darren .....I'll be down in Maidstone Kent at sometime ... I'll find you.

Had another ring up " I'll have it!" 95% certain exactly what I want and want to live in it just like you, been searching for ages, I've got the cash lets do the deal today. He turned up had a nose around then said I don't make instant decisions (???) I'm just gonna go back to my lorry and have a think. 20 minutes later I get a gutless text ( just like Darren) I won't be buying  the van best of luck. If you've never tried to sell anything on EBay give it a go what an experience, you will never forget it!

I've been over to my flat, its been rented out for the last 3 years to a lovely French couple, Saleem has been giving it a paint over and getting it back to its pre rental condition so he can get his deposit back ( Some people would just leave it in a complete mess and expect their money back), must be a French thing, but it looks great. I'm going to get some agents in this week for valuation and negotiation over selling rates, I could rent it back out pretty easily I reckon and get a grand a month but I think its time for it to go. Had the agents in and they reckon £215,000 so I'm gonna give it a try. I'm not living in it though, I prefer the Kontiki plus I hate leaving her parked on the road at night without me being in it, always have this feeling its gonna get lifted and be in Ireland with 24 hours ( no offence if you are Irish!!). I've left the Motorhome park, only went there to do some bits and pieces and make it nicer for possible buyers and gone back up at the lane, where its free. Had a great funny incident the other day at the shop just down from the lane, some bloke walking his dog, approached me and said " is that your van mate" yep.." Did you know the kids around here think its an old bill van, true, they think you are on some sort of watch " very funny I laughed my head off. Anyway I'll let you know on the Kontiki EBay sales saga this week.

End of the month I'm off to Butlins with Milky. Butlins??? You are thinking? Yep Butlins it is ..for Big Adult Weekends! 3 days and nights of drinking, dancing and having a right old laugh, this time we are going to Skegness ( up norfff lad) 70's weekend or something, apparently Alvin Stardust is there!( now that will be funny) so should be a right laugh, more to come on that one.

Thanks to every body for your emails and guest book entries I really do appreciate them  ! And really sorry this blog is late this week, in fact its the latest it has ever been !

Week 49 : 27th October 2011 and Week 50: 3rd Nov 2011

I've had to put 2 weeks together ! Been either very lazy or very busy, actually I've had a load on my plate but I have finally got around to some writing ( you have to be in the mood you know!!)

Some sad news to start, up at the lane some guy has gassed himself in his car, all very sad. Pulled up in there the other day and the old bill has it all cordoned off. I know I've been sad and very moody and even bordering on distraught at some times but to take your own life is very sad indeed. There's a big array of flowers marking the spot, and a big marker post with messages written in number plates, RIP in peace mate perhaps your troubles are over? On a very selfish note, if you live in a van on your own and you have a heart attack one night with all your black out blinds down what happens ? Serious, no joke, how long before they find you when you are wild camping? You could be there for several weeks?!

Now...On to the jolly sort of stuff! Ha!!  I've put the van back on EBay, all very effing annoying when people let you down but we have another buyer. All seems genuine cool guy called Dean who wants to live in it and he's read the blog, so fingers crossed the transfer all goes well this weekend. Selling stuff on EBay is an absolute nightmare, there are so many tosser's on there, if you ever sell your van on it or attempt to the take every body with a huge big  pinch of salt. Now another sad bit..Gonna miss you old girl more than I can ever imagine, I seriously will, 52 weeks of my life holed up inside you...... The Ups! - The Downs! - The Women! - The Wales Adventure! - Maerdy in the Snow! - The Lovely Michelle! - The Ants! - The Water Leak! - All The Grand Prix I have Watched! - Bakewell! - The Angel Pub and Secret Things I Can't Mention! - Cruising Down the Motorways! - Late Night TV Tucked Up in Bed! - My Whistling Early Morning Kettle! - The Take A way's! - Thinking Where The Fuck Can I Park? ! - Looking In The Fridge For a Fosters At 9:00 AM! - My Lovely Gas Heating! - And.. The 2 nights I spent with a 24 year old bar maid!! .         She doesn't leave me until Sunday so I'll get some last minute use of course and I'll report back to everybody via the guestbook the day she leaves

I reckon if you buy the right Motorhome at the right price and look after it then the year loss is very minimal......For example, lets say like me and others you need to ditch the conventional living of renting a flat and paying out shit loads of money, indeed lets take the case of my Kontiki and look at the actual facts. I bought it last year for £5700 but I've spent some money on it so lets go through it. This list does not include things I am keeping such as the MEOS TV, Generator and Piaggio scooter which in essence are mine for my next van and the normal tax MOT etc ( but even including tax mot it ain't a lot) plus I have not included gas as you would pay that anyway in a flat: Kontiki  £5700 -  Carver heater exchange £200 - leisure batteries £170 Onboard charger £90 - Whale water pump £25 - New Radiator £110 - Bike Rack £90 - Solar Panels £200 - Solar Regulator £15 - Headlamps £90 - Spares from Talbot breaker £50 - Foam for rear seat  £70 - Oven and a few bits from Kontiki on eBay £25 - Hook up lead £25 - Stereo - £40 - Flooring and Carpet £100 - Paint and Hardboard £70 - Replacement Light Unit and Bulbs £40 - Total About £7110. Take away the £6500 and I've lived a year for £600 which can't be bad at all!!

Just had some fun up at Butlin's in Skegness! Got an invite from a friend of Milky who we went with last year, 5 of us in total, what a laugh! Butlin's is great you can't fault it at all, for £150 each you get your apartment, (Sharing) All your food, All your entertainment which is 4 night clubs, sports bar, swimming pool etc. You can even bring in as much booze as you like, you just cant take it inside to the main arena. So a brief run down of the 3 days... First of all though there are certain childish boys rules that have to be adhered to, The essential rule is this, as there is only 1 double bed in the apartment any guy that pulls get full priority to it and who ever is in it must get out (asleep or not) and its on a first come first served basis, all very funny indeed and if its occupied you have to place some sort of item on the door handle ! We wound Milky up one night  as he was the current single occupier by placing a fez hat on the handle before he came home even though it was totally empty! On the settee you go mate! lol Suffice to say there was some keen competition for the room! Even saw a really nice camper based on a high top Movano in the car park, managed to get a look inside as well was really nice, I asked the guy why he brought it with him and he said he would rather sleep in that than share a room with his mates farting and belching all night! Makes a lot of sense!!

Now... Saturday morning Mark informs the guys that he is now calling me the Pxxxxx Magnet! "Its incredible" he says "he just stands there and women come flocking around him!" LOL was kinda true to be honest I'm standing in a queue to get into Jaks and within 10 sec's being there some women is thrusting my head into her breasts! ( that's kinda what goes on there!) Saturday day time we spend the day in the sports bar on the drink and watching football, and in the evening we get to see such legends as The Bay City Rollers, Alvin Stardust ( I know!! We walked out after he started singing coo coo coocachoo) and a great tribute band called Too Rex. Saturday is always the BIG fancy dress night every is dressed up a huge amount of weird costumes, our little gang decide to get dressed up as Where's Wally stripy jumpers and bobble hats. The fav costume of most of the girls is the very naughty copper look! of which somehow we inherit a stray one called Lisa who attaches herself to us for the whole night, but being a Scouser I seriously need a translator. Sunday its sports bar time again at 4.00pm to watch the mighty Spurs. Quite a few yid fans in the bar and its great fun, and later on in Reds to watch Kool and the Gang and Ray Lewis with his temptations, where I have this mad moment! ( like I do) Another Scouser bird says to me.." You wouldn't last 5 minutes in these " pointing to her very high 4 inch shoes " oh yeh? What size are you " "size 8" well get em off I'll squeeze in. Was so funny Milky was pissing him self they helped me up into them and I was dancing around on the dance floor  and doing catwalk pony steps for half an hour. Don't know what you women complain about was a piece of cake!! Later that night I get back to the apartment  and end up having to sleep on the settee!! Seemed to be a lot more than 5 people in there now!

Somebody asked me about Sugar, well she kinda melted! Hadn't seen her for a while but did see her last Sunday for a drink and a pizza, was a nice evening until she decided to create some stupid conversation / argument at like 11 at night, suffice to say that was the last straw. Time to move on again!!

I had 3 nights in my flat over the last 2 weeks, a few things had to be done for the estate agents etc. Very weird in deed. Didn't sleep at all even though it was a big comfy bed. Everybody said to me that I must have enjoyed it as if to say you must be glad to be in it and not in the van, well actually its the other way around, give me the van anyway. I will have to move back in there once the Kontiki is gone but it should only be for a short while until I can buy something else and arrange my life around regarding Wales and the House sale. Shame I did not get the chance to meet some of you guys this year but defiantly next year we should have a little meet up, perhaps down in Caerleon would be nice at the Angel for a weekend ( free parking!)lol.

This will probably be my last blog input written in the van, sat here in my kitchen, heater on, with coffee and rich tea biscuits dressed in my dressing gown! But the blog will motor on of course, every week as normal in the quest to find a new Motorhome , house, girlfriend and life. I just want to make this fact perfectly clear as I have said before, living in a Motorhome is about my life, my experiences, my ups and downs and selling it is part of it. I would say though that spending a year in a Motorhome has been one of the greatest things I have ever done and I would like to thank my bitch of an ex girlfriend for dumping me after 18 years and allowing me to do it, despite the mood swings / loneliness I have a great life and are the envy of many many people.

More next week and I will have a massive photo session day and get some on here.

Week 51: 10th Nov 2011

I did well I reckon, 51 weeks living in my Motorhome! And if it wasn't for Boris no doubt I will still be in it. The Kontiki is now sadly sold. Managed to have a few last days in her up at the Motorhome park, there was madness behind spending the money as I wanted to ensure she was safe before I delivered her down to Dean who was just down the road, the other side of the Dartford tunnel. Now this all sounds a bit stupidly silly but those three days couldn't go slow enough in fact on the Saturday night ( my last night ) I didn't go to sleep until 2.45 am just couldn't bare the idea that this was my last night!  But alas it was and on Sunday afternoon I drove the Kontiki for the last time down the M25 and over the Dartford bridge and down to Deans place. All sounds a bit weird now as I remember rambling on about little silly things like "..Oh yes she does this sometimes and oh she also does that now and again etc etc, was like I suppose handing over your child!! Silly how you can get all romantic and silly about a lump of metal and fibre glass! ( as he holds back the tears!)

So where do we go from here? Well Sunday night I came back to Walthamstow and got the keys to my flat, which you know is up for sale. Was really weird and I remember sitting on the floor in the living room (on one of my Motorhome Kontiki scatter cushions ) thinking its just the same thing, looking around me and thinking I have a kitchen, a shower , toilet, heating, a double bed, still on my own, still lonely, still feel the same just in a different place. OK I'm in a place which is bigger but that's it really, that's the difference, oh and the fact is I'm stuck here I cant take it with me and drive off. So it all feels a bit weird. Other problems I can't park the porker out the front, I don't have a permit. Its all bollocks, to get a permit I have to show the car is registered to this address and supply 2 utility bills and my council tax bill, which of course I don't have and I don't want to register my car here so every day I'm on tender hooks watching and waiting for the gestapo parking police to come around twice a day and nick me ( there was no problems up at the lane like this).

On a lighter note was nice to see my old neighbour Ty ( Tyrone) a good old Welsh boy who has lived in the ground floor flat below me for god knows how many years, ( old man actually rather than boy he's 71 years old!! ) Funny old bugger he is always moaning and threatening to leave London and go back to the valleys but he never does, and I reckon he never will! Still some familiar old faces in the street, but man its changed soooooooo much in the last 15 years here. I went to Sainsburys the other night to get some provisions, fill up the fridge a bit and without a word of a lie I walked all the way around it and did not hear one English voice, all Eastern European that's all I could hear. ( Now please don't call me racist or anything silly I'm just trying to tell you how its changed) I was stunned. The market has changed massively as well, its still as busy as ever, if you don't know Walthamstow it has a huge long market that runs up through the middle of it, in fact I think its something like Europe's longest market or similar, can't remember now but its bloody busy and its dirt cheap to buy anything

Was a game of golf going this week, a Texas scramble competition, I won the same comp last year with Milky and Lordy, but this year I was teamed up with Bob and Steve (28 and 24 handicappers), was a lovely day out and................We came stone last! Honestly what has happened this year to my golf... Stone Last!!!!! The shame is just to much, That's it now the clubs are going away until March and bloody staying there ( well in the spare room of the flat,) they used to be in the overhead of the Kontiki of course! Ooops I'm reminiscing again!

Work has picked up so I'm really pleased especially that Christmas is on its way, and on Thurs I'm off to Sheffield to see my sons graduation day ( which is Friday morning), meaning I need to get a hotel room, see... the lack of  the Kontiki is causing problems already ! Bloody £60 for a hotel when I could have parked up somewhere on the road. Never mind  new one will come soon hopefully.

So current status.... Holed up in Walthamstow and Kontiki less, wish me luck!

Week 52: 17th Nov 2011 and Week 53: 24th Nov 2011

Ooohhh its all happening up at the lane (again). Remember the Lane which I spent many a night at last year, its the one opposite the Marriot Hotel in Waltham Abbey, its a big wide road with no parking restrictions unless you are over 5 ton, a lot of people park here every day to car share and jump on the M25 as its 1 minute from the junctions...But anyway a development has taken place. I get a phone call from Lordy one morning "Taffy...There are people in your garden! " ( That's what he used to call the grass verge and field next to the road ) " The Gypo's have moved in and there's a dozen caravans on there!". Well I never! They must have been reading the blog ! Anyway I dive up there on the bike and low and behold they have smashed open a gate and parked up! Transit vans , caravans the lot. It's up at the top bit by the roundabout,  where as stealth man and I always parked down the very bottom. Glad my Motorhome isn't there any more, blimmey I'd have attracted some right people! Its still a great place to park for free for a stop over and its safe I never had any aggro there, check it out its called Old Shire Lane, Waltham Abbey.

In order to amuse myself while I wait to sell the Flat and get a new Motorhome I've decided to do some online dating. Don't laugh its true! Actually I've been on it before in fact that's were I met Sugar despite the fact she would tell everybody we met in a pub. Actually when I was on there before I did meet some nice people and still have a few friends from it. Anyway I'm back on it now, new profile and a slight issue of my age, accidentally knocked 4 years off by pressing the wrong button oh dear, anyway too late now I can't change it, and I can carry it off no problem. In fact when I met Michelle last year in Butlin's and while we was in the pool one morning we played the age guessing game, ( fatal as I'm shit ) of which she told me she was very good at it. I totally balls'd my guess up adding about 4 years to her age! Oh oh , she then said " Your 42 " of which I said "..Wow you are good at this game you are bang on ) I should have been an actor! All true, she thought I was no older than 42 so there we are!

So in brief -I've had a few lookers, quite a few actually, some average, some below average and some xxxxxxxxxxx anyway before I insult all women and they start having a go at me I've also had a few lookers as well and quite young! ( I'm very shallow! Its all about looks for me!). Not been on a date yet and I had one booked in for last Saturday, really nice girl only 36, slim, really pretty, sort of posh spice look a like and as Milky said I was batting well above my average but alas she cancelled the night before!!! Lets call her Miss T and see if she comes back! ( hopefully, pretty please )

I came off my sodding bike this week for the first time. Coming back from Wanstead heading to Walthamstow about 10 at night ( and no I wasn't pissed as Lordy suggested) Pulled up at the lights, empty road , they turned green I pulled away 30 yards later banked around a corner and I'm sliding on my arse into the road for a good 20 yards, the bike just simply slipped away from me, left knee took the impact ( thank you knee) and I managed to get up ok. I went straight back to the bend and it was totally coated in Diesel, some bastard had spilt some and quite a lot. If you buy a scooter for your Motorhome watch out for that little bugger, if it looks shiny take it very very easy and wear the correct gear!!

I headed up to Sheffield last weekend, it was my sons university graduation and I met up with my ex wife Judi ( not the witch ) Me and Judi got married like 20 years ago. I had to book a bloody hotel just for me and it cost me £140!! I know its a killer I could have ambled up there in the Kontiki found a quite street somewhere and it would have been happy days but no, £80 in fuel and £140 in hotels! Oh and £60 for a lunch. Anyway what price do you put on your kids education I suppose. Ceremony was fantastic it was in the city hall and it was wonderful to see my son going up on to the stage to get his degree. 

While I was up there I messaged Lysa and Penny, some girls that we met in Benidorm this year, In fact their pictures are in the blog somewhere with me and Milky. Actually you already know Penny as she's the one who wrote a small couple of paragraphs in June about undying love blah blah blah and then I kinda pissed her off, anyway all was forgotten and I went out with them for a an evening of drinking and dancing in this packed little dance bar called Christians, absolutely mobbed it was, more of a mature crowd than youngsters which reflected in the music, was a right laugh and it was really great to see them again. Hopefully Penny excepted my offer of an apology! ( I think so!!)

Work is better which is really great as I really need it, without tenants in my flat the £500 I used to make is nil, and I now have to find £500 myself as well as other stuff. Cash flow will always be an issue of course, its the same for any self employed people, but its bloody tough for everybody

The blog is becoming a bit more famous!! Got a few emails from a few guys giving me links to other Motorhome sites and forums where unknown to me they have been discussing it, and in general everybody has been writing some nice stuff, ( not that I write the blog to suit people I write it for myself, to inform my mates where I am, to make new mates and to help anybody who may consider doing what I am doing.) This month November I so far have 238,000 hits, 2416 visitors that's pretty good going I think, shame I can't get those bloody advertising people on board and get some money in!! (I didn't and don't do it for the money everybody knows that but a little bit wouldn't half help! )

I reluctantly headed off to Ikea this week to buy some cheapo furniture for the flat, got to sit on something, got to put the tele on something ( although it looks a bit small in here, looked massive in the van!) got to put he laptop on something! Anyway after they relieved me of like £150 I now have a 2 seater sofa, 2 tables and a roller blind! And no doubt a hefty electric and gas bill coming my way although I am very conscious about turning all this on and off you just get so used to it in the flat in fact I had this great idea the other day why can't you turn your flat into a 12 volt system, get 2 x 120 amp batteries , get a good solar panel say 240 watts hook it all up and run off that. You could do the lighting no problem, the TV, laptop charging, tons of stuff. Get a fridge powered by gas, dump the freezer its all just a thought but I'm thinking it must be a possibility? It must be! A 12 volt home, you do it in a Motorhome why not a house?

I'm currently loading up some pic's of which I am very slow to do as every body knows, I've uploaded the thumbnails give me a day or two and I will get the links done to them

Love you all   

Week 54: 1st Dec 2011 and Week 55: 8th Dec 2011

Met up with Clive from the sads club the other night and he's not happy, Friday afternoon at the bank is read the blog time and the current fortnightly updates are not going down well! So over a few pints I have agreed to try and get it back on track, will do my best mate!

Decide to check out the local Walthamstow night life this week and up the road from me in the market is a pub called the Chequers, seems ok and I've had the odd pint in there in the day time while using my laptop, anyway one day I notice a big sign that says Amnesia every Fri and Sat night till 2.00am so in the name of research of course I decide to check it out on the Saturday. I arrive at the door about 11 and get a big rub down from the bouncer and I'm thinking this don't look good as a starter, anyway once I'm in it all looks a bit packed out and to be honest a bit of a cock fest ( tons of blokes not that many girls ) anyway I get a pint and persevere. Now..under the Amnesia sign I see something in small writing which I missed the other day ( and no it doesn't say gay night! ) it says Euro night. Euro night they ain't kidding! I reckon almost 90% of the pub is Eastern European and the music...How my god, you ain't heard so much rubbish in your life, Shoot the DJ I was thinking and  at one stage he was playing music from Zorba the Greek. Suffice to say I had 1 pint and buggered off. Will be giving that one a miss on my own or with a future dates.

Got an upsetting text this week. Actually it was a sarcastic text. The guy that bought the Kontiki has rung a few times asking how to do this how to do that etc no issues and I was glad to help, but one day whilst working with my mate Gary I get this text come through..." Thanks mate: This van has damp in it and also loads of other things that need doing, fair play to the other people that pulled out" now that kind of upset me a bit, and after a while I sat down and thought right. I wont reply to it as I don't do tit for tat its not my style but I did think the following, first of all.. Anybody who does their homework on Kontiki's will know that they all leaked around that age, in fact I wrote about it in this blog, so the chance of it having some sort of damp is pretty much on. The van is nearly 22 years old and for 6 grandish is bound to need some sort of work, also it was bought via eBay on the auction and... He did not even come to see it! Now me I would never buy anything without seeing it. Other than the text the guy has not contacted me, so he knows the score, but it was just a little upsetting to get the text.

My Indian mates who own the off license in Hermon Hill have bought a new Merc Sprinter, its 59 plate and cost 12 grand and they let me have a tour around and in  it. Thinking about stealth campers or panel van conversions this kiddie is the real nuts. So long inside, bigger than the Kontiki I reckon in length and if you take out the bulk to reveal the cab it really is a big beast. Width wise its no more than barely 6 feet, that's the difference from the Kontiki, I can just about lie down in it cross ways and I'm about 5 ft 9 so it feels slightly claustrophobic ( although I'm being an idiot really as it has no windows so its bound to be ) but I was very impressed and will definitely look at this option for the new camper. The other van I am considering is the Ford Transit Jumbo very similar to the sprinter. After the Kontiki it would be hard I reckon to have a SWB or even a MWB van, I just think I would find it to small.

Went down to Wales with Milky in the porker on the weekend and had a huge disaster, and within this disaster is a lesson for everyone. Here is what happened. Cruised around the M25 got on to the M4 and was over the Severn bridge within 2 half hours we was absolutely flying, traffic was so minimum, was great and then......We get to Magor and I see the old bill behind me, and on come the lights and its pull over mate.

Milky and I are thinking speeding No? something fallen off the back? Anyway he comes to the window and says the normal shit "you car sir? do you have your papers sir? ( why do they do that? what pratt would leave all his car papers in his car ) so its then can we have a chat in the back of our car sir. So there I am all nice and warm in the back of this police 4wd BMW thing when he says " ..Our system says you have no insurance" WHAT? can't be as I recently renewed it with a new insurance company a few weeks ago, was with the same company Carol Nash for the last 5 years but I switched after going on to the Go Compare site and found one much cheaper called Premier Insurance, I've paid for it the lot.

Now by sheer coincidence I was actually talking to them ( the company) that very morning asking them where my insurance paper work was I had not received it. Now the conversation in the morning did worry me slightly as they said the reason why I had not been sent the paper work is that they were waiting for confirmation papers of my second car?? What?? I don't have a second car? of which the women said "...This is a classic car policy to have it you need a normal everyday car for your normal transport" What? I never had this issue with Carol Nash so a dispute erupted. Transpires because I had not sent them this paperwork that I new absolutely nothing about whatsoever and was never asked for by the Go Compare site I was not covered. I got the police to speak to the company on my behalf but no joy. Result a £200 penalty and 6 pts on my license. One good thing they felt sorry for me and didn't seize the car they let Milky drive it off the motorway where by I had to crawl back to my previous insurance company and get them to cover me. Lesson, check your paperwork and make sure you are fully covered! 

On a funnier side of life I get call a call from Lordy the other day while at Milky's place, saying " Hey Taffy I'm having sky TV added to my new Jacuzzi house!" What new Jacuzzi house? first I've heard "..The one  I'm having built in the garden, I'm having a big glass conservatory put around it with sliding doors for the summer, proper Jacuzzi it is not one of those cheap imitation makes and I've got sky TV in their for the golf and the footy"  ? Honestly how the other half live !  So the Milk and I said "..that's great mate how much room is in there?" After a little pause he comes back with "..Enough for me and 4 women" Lordy you DON'T know 4 women! What a waste!  Was funny tho even funnier than the sign on the bar door in Maerdy Social Club Wales, in big letters MEN ONLY, really! Its a men only bar I thought all that died out years ago, so nice to see these traditions still going ! ( just kidding ladies just kidding! ) but the sign and the bar is true!

I'm typing this blog on my smaller laptop my Asus Eee Pc 1005 which I bought last year as I've screwed the screen up on my HP, don't really use it that much and being in the computer Internet business I feel I should give some advice about it. Here it is ...DON'T buy one they are shit. Honestly I'm talking about the small net book size 10 inch laptops, around the £200 area, like a mini laptop. They look very appealing and the bumf advertising them promise the world like on my one ....9 hour battery life ( in your Fxxxxxx dreams!!) super fast performance ( honestly I could write 10 times faster with a fountain pen and quill ) latest Windows 7 software ( yeh that's right bloat it up to death so it crawls along ) Think really hard before you buy a laptop for your Motorhome, these are barely good enough for the Internet, and email and I mean barely. Don't get mugged in by the super great battery life because its rubbish. I reckon this thing is lucky to last an hour at the most,( I'm not kidding) yeh they look great but the performance is rubbish ( sounds a bit like me!). Get a proper one or a tablet.

POF Internet dating update: Number of dates 0: Number of gropes and / or kisses 0: Bedroom activity 0: Boredom factor from answering stupid messages from very UN-attractive women 10/10

Actually got a so called date lined up for Saturday, lets call her Miss L, only seen some pic's on the site but everything looks like its totally in the correct order! Had a few text messages back and forth and a phone call which swung me a bit, I was expecting this cute girly type voice but it was much lower and huskier! I expressed my feelings about it to Milky the other night and he said ".. oh yeh, I like em like that ?! " Well lets see what happens shall we !! More on this next week !

And....Apologies for the current fortnightly stuff but I'm well busy with work which is really great  for me for a change, and I really need it bad and to write this blog I kinda have to be in the mood! If I wasn't it would be even worse rubbish than it is now!

Week 56: 15th Dec 2011 and Week 57: 22nd Dec 2011

Had one of my customers over this week from Denmark, another company that do RIB boats (Rigid Inflatable Boat) like Thames RIB, and we headed off into the heart of London down to the Thames to get a freebie ride on the Thames RIB Experience boat, so he could compare the way they run their business to his. Was a good time out and later we nipped off for some grub and beers. Now when I say beers I mean an effing lot of beers, Christ these people can drink, honestly and its not your Carling or Fosters its the proper stuff the Stella or the Peroni. I was absolutely hammered, but I managed to get a conversation in early regarding Camping in Denmark, which was brilliant. Every thing is totally geared up for it there he said, considering the cold and the snow, its mega popular and is a big family thing. I've been invited over for 2012 and subject to money wouldn't mind hiring for a few weeks but the only issue is everything is big money there, its stupidly expensive, if you have ever been drop me a line and let me know , would be very helpful.

Talking of invites I've also been invited to Australia how true or genuine it is I'm not 100% sure but I think it is, Maree said "..come over for three months and you can use my Merc" and hit the roads! Now that is an offer! One minor or in my case big issue is I'm shit scared of spiders and all I can think of is.. One of those big buggers the size of blackbird on the van ceiling a night! Can you imagine oh my god!!! I'll have to go for some hypnotherapy sessions to get cured! ( no kidding ) unless anybody knows another way. 3 month trip around Auz would be the nuts and any Motorhomer's dream I reckon. What a mini blog that would make. Write in if you have done it.

I would like to thank everybody who has joined me on Facebook, I've made some really nice friends (genuinely), and its great to keep up with you. One of them is Del who is currently having a trip around Scotland, parked up in the lochs, he's also started a blog and once he adds all the photos I will post the link. Looking forward to seeing some more great pictures Del, you must be loving your Christmas up there!

Did the decent thing and took a big box of Roses and 3 bottles of plonk up to Sewardstone Road Camp Site Xmas eve for the wardens, method behind the madness here, first they were super helpful to me last year and secondly I want to be in their good books as I still may buy one of those static caravans next year as a London base. Was nice to see them and them to see me lol but the first thing that struck me when I entered the site was how empty it was, there was no more than  6 or 7 vans parked up, incredible. Last year when I was there you could count 20 easily plus it was bloody freezing as well with all the snow and ice his year what's happened? Had a chat with mark and he's come to the conclusion its money. People just don't have it, never have they seen it this quiet, I suggested perhaps the council should consider some sort of winter deal, I know on the occasions I stayed there this year it was an effort to pay the money, even now at £16.50 a night it would be a struggle to stay for a week. Lovely campsite though and if you ever come to London this is the place to stay.

POF Internet Dating Update: Dates 1: tonsil action 0: Jumping off the wardrobe dressed as superman 0

Had a POF drink and pizza night with Lorraine, a 47 year old brunette from Over the Dartford bridge, I thought Lakeside would be a good meeting point and there's a cute little Italian there called Bella Italia and we agree to meet outside Primark. Here is the run down. Slim, lovely figure, long curly-ish brown hair, and reasonably attractive ...but the voice!! Oh and the laugh that went with it. Anyway had a drink and a pizza, nice lady but I just didn't click, and I dread to think what she thought of me lol, so went Dutch on the bill and it was a cheek kiss in the car park and then ta ta!  

Can't believe the amount of bills and crap flooding into the flat. Water, electric, gas, TV License and to top it all Waltham Borough Council Tax! £400 quid they want in 2 payments, I've only just moved into the bloody thing and not even told anybody ( except the blog ). I'm gonna give them a call when they finally open and give it the old landlord doing it up routine to sell, see if I can get it delayed. Had an offer on the flat though ( if you can call it an offer cheeky bastards ) Its up for 205,000 their offer 185,00 yeh like in your dreams, I know I want to sell it but I ain't desperate that's for sure!

Merry Christmas Everybody!

Christmas day is virtually upon me and it could be another home alone job, last year I was in the Sewardstone Road Camping park for the day, eating a chilli and watching Shrek! I'm having a strange feeling of Deja Vu in advance! But after a visit to Milky's place and a nip around to Benidorm Martins house I'm told in no uncertain words that I must not spend Xmas on my own and must come to his, so after seeing my kids Xmas morning and then filling the car with booze and cherry brandy I head off to Martins. Absolutely loved every minute of it was such great fun. Big family they have, was 15 - 20 people there for both Xmas day and Boxing day, tons of food, tons of drink and not one minute of tv ( banned it was ) board games, charades, karaoke. Boxing day we went to the local football pitch to watch the annual Bakers v Chimney Sweeps football Match Massacre! Crazy it was, flour, soot, gung everywhere! So called footballs of every size and shape, they even played with a space hopper! Been going 104 years, great that people keep these things going and all for charity it was with an excellent turnout. So pleased I went and stayed. Thank you Martin and Janette.

Not sure what's happing for New Year, was looking at a few options, bit difficult when you are Motorhome less! Sheffield was looking good, go and see Penny and Lysa but alas Penny has legged it to Dubai for the new year and who can blame her! Much hotter! Another option is to meet up with Milky in Maerdy ( which I may do for one day ) but a better option is a trip to Caernarfon! Remember I spent like 2 weeks up there in the summer in the Motorhome and loved every minute of it, well when I was there and in Cafi Roc one night I met a really nice woman called Christine, nothing ever happened but we swapped Facebook stuff, and I messaged her the other day and said how's about a visit, which has resulted in a yes. Ok, its donkeys miles away but who cares, I'll take the porker, stop off in Maerdy for one night then take the A470 up through central Wales to the North about 4 hours I reckon. Full update in next blog entry ( will be starting a new page 2012!)    

Finally whatever or where ever you are for the New Year, in a van or at home, I would like to wish you all a very happy, relaxing and prosperous Motorhoming New Year !!

FOR MY 2012 Diary.... Please Click HERE